i will never coherently bang her
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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