i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize