You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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