There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
