ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
