Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
