The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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