We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
