And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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