How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
