My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
