Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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