I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
