I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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