doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
