everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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