i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We had sex on a dog bed..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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