you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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