i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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