Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize