He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
