shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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