if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
