the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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