Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I need to calm my uterus...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
