rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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