And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
