What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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