Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
