shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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