it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you made out with another girl for some wings
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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