Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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