oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?