i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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