Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
