His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
