you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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