woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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