If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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