In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
