how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize