If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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