I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
