I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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