I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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