Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize