You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
