Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
