nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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