At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
