this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
