just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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