eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
