Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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