then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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