Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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