I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
