lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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