does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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