I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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