my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
