Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
