i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
