when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
